Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Everclear isn't food dammit
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize
