I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Randomize
