I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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