take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
i drank out of a bidet.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
