im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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