my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
