Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
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