Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
