He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
