He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
