If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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