god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
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