Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
