I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
