take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
