He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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