What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
We are all done wearing pants today
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
