Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
