How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
