Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
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