Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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