I just saw a hot homeless man
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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