it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
