and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize