The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
