Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
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