definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
All I want is dick and wine.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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