just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
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