1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she smelled like a LAN party
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Randomize
