I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
