I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
