its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Randomize