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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize