there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
