I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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