I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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