I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
