Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
