My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
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