Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
