Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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