Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
