forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
