Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
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