Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Randomize