someone threw a dead crab at me
I'm laying in your front yard are you home
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
