He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
