Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
