sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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