Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
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