If that was your dad, he is hot
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Oh god it's open bar.
Randomize
