chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
Well I just put wine in my tea
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
