i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
then he tried to convert me to islam
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
