i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
