nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
