Barsexuality is the new black.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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