genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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