Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
Randomize
