i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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