i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
