Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
Randomize