I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
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