I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
