Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Randomize
